


How We Began

by acrownofstars



Series: Wallflowers on the Sideline [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Autistic Dana Scully, F/M, Fox Mulder Angst, Fox Mulder Needs a Hug, Not Period Accurate, Young Dana Scully, Young Fox Mulder, in terms of autism depiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29724441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrownofstars/pseuds/acrownofstars
Summary: Science-obsessed Dana Scully has just been diagnosed as autistic, a final explanation for her difficulty to find meaningful bonds with the “normal” kids. She’s quite frustrated, but with her sarcastic internal monologue and her (mostly) quiet exterior, she gets by.Aspiring track and field champ Fox Mulder is also frustrated. He’s been thinking a lot recently about something that happened not that long ago, and he’s feeling more than just a bit down. He’s in need of a bit of company.So what happens when these two oddballs meet one another?
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Wallflowers on the Sideline [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184564
Comments: 9
Kudos: 16





	1. 23rd November (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m writing this AU fic series instead of my school essays. Please help me. 
> 
> Or don’t. Enjoy my fic.
> 
> I’d like to think I write good fanfic but my last one was a flop so I’ve lost all faith.
> 
> —
> 
> **TW for mentioned abductions, dismissal of a traumatic experience, as well as outdated ableist + medical model language used to discuss autism.**

_“Fox, I’m sure you know why you’re here.”_

Mulder rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms in a huff. “Hell, I sure do know why I’m here.”

_“You’ve just picked a fight on some poor kid. Why the hell did you do that?”_

Fox stood up. “He was picking on _me_ , sir. About my sister, Samantha. He was saying that she couldn’t have truly been abducted by aliens, that she—”

The principal put his hands on the table and closed his eyes, thinking deeply, as though he was about to make himself clear. 

_“Fox.”_

He looked up, with slight guilt, and looked into the principal’s eyes. ”Yes, sir.”

_”I understand that something horrible must have happened to your sister. But, Mr. Mulder, I believe it’s time for you to wake up to reality.”_

Fox closed his eyes. He knew was he was about to say, and he was welling up already.

_”There’s no way your sister was abducted by aliens. Please, Fox. You need to stop believing in this delusion—”_

” **IT’S NOT A FUCKING DELUSION!** It’s reality, it’s what happened, I swear. I saw her, being taken away, I—” 

He panted. Sweat began to run down his face. His heart thumped with each word he wasn’t paying attention to, and he began to shake. Nobody even asked him if he was okay. 

The principal started to say more words, flowing out of his mouth like a fax, but Fox wasn’t paying attention. They were lies, all lies. He had seen it all. He knew the truth.   
  
After he finished talking, Mulder walked out with a three day suspension, reduced from a week, because he had shown some remorse in addition to the fact the anniversary of Samantha’s seemingly unexplained abduction was coming up. Fox was genuinely confused, and so, so lost. Nobody understood, did they? Nobody was ever going to believe what he saw. He missed his sister dearly, and everything was difficult. There was nothing he could do, no matter how much he closed his eyes when he went into his bedroom, expecting his sister to be sleeping in his bed, there peacefully, as though nothing had ever happened, like—

Mulder went home that night, and slammed his bedroom door. He didn’t even close his eyes this time. He simply jumped onto his bed, his clothes coated in disgusting teenage sweat, and began to sob helplessly.   
  


Rule One of being Fox Mulder: nobody will believe you about Samantha. No matter what.

~✦~

“Ms. Scully, I know this news will be difficult to take.”

Dana sat there, her heart rate slightly going up. She knew this was a typical neighbourhood shrink, but she honestly felt that he was about to tell her that she had cancer, or some other thing that would mean she would have five days to live. She stared down at his tie, her blue eyes meeting the pleasant red sheen on it. 

“I’m sorry to say that I’ve diagnosed you with autism spectrum disorder.”  
She looked up. “What does that mean?”  
  


“It means you have a defective brain.” the psychiatrist said in his droll, deep tones. “You have it very lucky, you have what is called Aspergers; you can talk, but you are very socially deficient, as we found in your evaluations. Your strange aversions to certain textures and noises basically nailed it in the coffin for us.” 

Dana almost wanted to scoff. Defective brain? She’d been fine all her life. At least the way she was, surely?

“There is no cure.”

Her brain felt empty after that statement. She didn’t even want to debate the semantics of what that man had just said. Everything just felt so... strange... _I have a different brain? I need cured but there isn’t one?_ When it was being glossed over in her mind, it was very briefly, before the beautiful glimmer of the sun on the man’s brilliant red tie would distract her. She kept staring and staring at it, trying not to make weird bodily movements out of the pure pleasure of how it looked. _  
_

The prolonged silence in the room was starting to become intolerable for all parties, just as the doctor interrupted. “Ms. Scully, are you okay? Was that difficult to hear?”

”No, no, this is great news. I’ve never felt so good in my life.”   
  
The shrink’s face immediately changed - he was absolutely bewildered. He’d never heard something so peculiar in his life. Scully simply kept on smiling.

She stood up. “I feel great,” she said, walking towards the door. “Thank you, sir. It was nice speaking to you today.”

As she closed the door, the psychiatrist continued to stare with his perplexed look.   
  


✶


	2. 26th November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay my elbow hurts, but at least I finally started writing the essays I’m a few days behind on.
> 
> But also you guys get this. As a treat

After enduring two days of a very difficult grounding, Fox’s parents finally gave into his begging, and gave him their blessing to allow him to go back to the field to do some daily exercise, on the condition that he would have to return home soon afterwards. He had felt himself stiffening up in the room, lying on his bed as the sun beamed down through his window, so warm that it would very quickly evaporate his tears. There was an overwhelming feeling of isolation, of not being understood, that had flooded his mind. There was nothing he wanted to do; hell, there was nothing he _could_ do. So being able to go outside, to do what he loved to do the most was a massive relief to Mulder. 

The air smelt fresh with the scent of washed clothes being left out to dry, the air carrying the dulcet tones of floral scents used to clean them. The charming sound of children playing down the road could be heard, which made Fox smile, but it very quickly turned into memories that started to upset. As he diverted away from them, he could hear the warwhoops and imitations of whipcracks fade away, as birds and crickets started to fill the vacant air. This brought a sense of calm and inner peace into him, relaxing him. For once, Fox felt whole again. He began to approach the track, ready to run for the first time in what had felt like months, but was really only two days. He laid his bottle down by the starting line, and prepared himself, ready to sprint fast, and far.   
  
When she wasn’t at school, Dana very rarely went outside, but considering that it was an unusually warm spell for this time of year, she knew she’d have to go and read a book in the glorious sunshine. She liked to do it, but she hadn’t done it in a long time, so there wasn’t a better time to do it other than now. Being told that she was autistic made everything about this make sense. It wasn’t really a thing “normal” people did; maybe if they were on vacation, but not if they walked to a place nearby (other than the park on a hot summer day). And of course, even if it was normal, _surely_ reading your school biology textbook, of all things, isn’t very normal.   
  
She decided to go to the running track, which had a big stand anybody could just sit in any time. It was also often quiet, unlike the soccer and American football grounds, which were always full of rowdy teens either in a fight, or wanting one. It was very quiet, with the exception of one guy down on the track doing laps. After two or three laps, he would stop, completely out of breath, to take a swig from his water bottle and a rest, which tended to last five minutes or so. After that, he would start running again. Dana occasionally looked up from her book to watch him; it was almost mesmerising to watch him skirt around the track, like a trapped spider trying to find its way out a glass, in perfect circles. 

Dana tried to concentrate on her book. But this kid running about the pitch kept taking her attention away. She’d had a few crushes before that weren’t really successful, but she wasn’t really sure about this guy. From her viewpoint, this man was like a little fly. She couldn’t even tell if he was a student at the school, or just an adult getting his run in for the day. She was stuck right into how he started, did it a few times. Stopped. Started, did it a few times. Stopped. Started, did it a few times. Stopped. Started, did it—  
Oh, she was distracted.

Must be an autism thing. Ever since her diagnosis, she had been very self-aware. In a way, this new... thing... that she was was making her feel self-conscious. These things don’t happen to other people, do they? And it was funny, because she loved biology - it was one of her favourite subjects - and she often spoke about her interest in the human body and cells and other ugly things to the point that it bored people. Her thoughts began to whirr about every quirk she had been thinking about over the past few days, causing a sensible voice in her head to quip “Argh, don’t remind me.” 

With sweat dripping from every pore and his breath heaving from the burden of exhaustion, Mulder finally wrapped up his training. He was already weak, but what made him weaker was the thought that now he would have to go home and sit and do nothing for the rest of the weekend. He ached for some social interaction, but he remembered that all his friends had basically abandoned him after the incident, as they had sided with the guy who had said... who had said that Samantha... could not...

He looked to the stands, and noticed something. There was a girl sitting there, watching him. But not _watching_ him. Just sitting there, looking into space, and her gaze happened to meet the track. Now, Fox was tempted. He didn’t know why this girl was looking down here, or what exactly she was looking at. But his parents had told him to come straight home, and not to talk to _anybody_. But he also noticed that this girl was here, all alone. Maybe it was just to watch him. And he had a strange feeling deep inside about it. What if she wasn’t okay? What if she had ran away, or something?   
He tried to brush off the strange ideas he was having surrounding this girl, but he went to approach her, his curiosity provoked by this girl sitting at the stands. 

He walked up the stairs, the clanging sounds of his footsteps arousing the girl’s attentions. “Uh, hey there,” he nervously scrambled, “Is everything okay? It’s unusual for someone to go and sit here on their own.”

Scully was stunned. Nobody ever walked up to her and even said hi, unless they were pretending to have a crush on her or wanting her to be their “friend”, but she couldn’t read those intentions in the guy, so she responded “uh, hey. I’m fine, I’m just sitting here and trying to read.” 

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

”I don’t know. I’ve felt... strange, lately. Weird. Like an outsider. Nobody really gets me. I just walk around school all day and nobody ever talks to me, and then I go home, I fill up my journal, I read some books, maybe go watch some TV with my family, go to bed, wake up, rinse and repeat. Nobody ever talks to me, unless they want to mock me. Nobody—”

Dana realised that she was spilling her emotions to this random guy, whose body odour was making her incredibly uncomfortable, her mind neglecting to even organise the thoughts. “I’m sorry. I’m saying too much.”

Mulder smiled. “No, it’s okay. I’ve seen you around, in school, you know. Doing some walking, reading. I’ve been going through things a lot myself.”

Dana looked up. ”Do you want to talk about it?”

”I just don’t think I’m ready to, yet.”

There was a pause, during which evergreens rustled in the air and skeletal leaves scraped the warm ground of the Indian summer.

”Do you need a friend?” Mulder asked.

”I don’t know. I haven’t had one since I started middle school. My two friends moved away and went to other schools and we didn’t keep touch, and since then I’ve just done what I do.”

“Well, if you do, I’ll be around. I’m Fox, by the way. Fox Mulder.”

”That’s a funny name. Fox. You look just as cunning as one.” she smirked, her cheeks going bright pink.

Mulder chuckled. “Yeah. You know I get that a lot.”

”I’m Dana Scully. Whatever you’ve got to say about me, I certainly won’t have heard it before.”

”You’re like a Beatles song!” Mulder began to imitate the bassline to Day Tripper, which made Scully laugh. 

As the rest of the song began to penetrate his thoughts, he looked down at his watch, and realised that time was marching on. He knew that if he wasn’t home soon, his parents would get suspicious.

“... oh, I’ve got to go. I need to be home soon. I’m not actually meant to be talking to you right now.” Fox paused. “I’m grounded ‘til Monday.”

”It was about the fight, wasn’t it?”

”How did you know?”

”I heard all the Chinese whispers. Every single one.”

Mulder’s heart rate started to rise. He looked down a little, held his hands in front of him, and gulped. He then looked back up to Scully. “Well, we’ll talk on Monday, won’t we? I mean, you’d like to, right?”

Dana smiled, with a bit of an odd relief. “Of course I do.” 

“Okay. Bye for now, then.”

Scully watched as Mulder walked away, empty plastic bottle in tow. As the sun’s intense heat began to calm down, the evergreens filling the air with a noise like that of television static, she looked down at her textbook, opened it back up, and started to read again.

~✦~

When Fox came home, there was nobody else in. Standing in the hallway, the empty air interrupted by the whistle of an A/C, he remembered something, and immediately went to the kitchen to consult the family calendar. There was something annoying him, something irking him, something he’d forgotten.

November 25th, 26th, 27th— the 27th had a small heart, with the initials “SM” inside of it, written in the square. 

Mulder immediately began to feel himself weaken.

He slowly walked up the stairs, his head drooping down and his body moving in a sloppy, unrestrained manner. As he approached his bedroom, he began to close his eyes, putting a hand on the wall to guide him to his door. As soon as he knew he was in front of his bedroom door, he held the handle for two seconds.

Mulder opened the door, slowly but surely. He knew somebody was going to be there. Somebody special.   
  


“Samantha?”

Fox opened his eyes. The room was empty. This realisation depleted what was left of his physical and emotional strength; he felt his entire body turn into jelly, before collapsing to the floor, completely distraught and sobbing profusely.   
  


✶


	3. 28th November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW for continued outdated language related to mental illness/disability.**

_MONDAY 28TH NOVEMBER, 1977_

_Dear diary,_

_Today I met that boy at school. The one I was talking about on Saturday, that I’d met at the track. He was running, he was sweaty, he really stank. It was really weird seeing him today without that really overwhelming stench.  
_

_Anyways, we got talking for a while. We got sneered at a few times, I think because of how there was the fight and I’m the “quiet girl” and... I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say with that. But we went outside and back onto the stands where we sat and spoke for a while. We have a mutual love of music, so of course we were discussing what was in the charts. He told me he was looking at the Hot 100 that came out yesterday, but he wasn’t very happy with what ended up at the top. He likes the Electric Light Orchestra and Wings, and they were apparently very low down. He tells me they’re good, so I think I might go to the record store at some point soon. I don’t know a lot about music, but I don’t exactly like all that pop fodder, either. Maybe I’ll have to ask my dad if he owns anything, first..._

_The Billboard Hot 100 was not the only thing that seemed to really interest him yesterday, though. He was a bit miffed about something, and I was really surprised when he told me about it. Mulder has a sister who was abducted during a camping trip not too long ago - 1973, in fact - and he hasn’t seen her since. Apparently that was what the fight was about, but it was something very unusual. He believes that his sister, who is or was called Samantha, was taken by aliens. He says he saw them, he very strongly believes it was the aliens, and that’s why what happened had happened. Because other people don’t believe him._

_I don’t know about you, but as somebody who really wants to be a doctor, I think he has an overactive imagination. I don’t want to say that to his face, but they can’t be real, can they? I mean, there’s no way. On the way home from school, I did stop at a convenience store to buy some magazines. They always have these crazy magazines discussing alien sightings and aliens and stuff like that. And I read some of them today, after school... but they just felt so tacky, and fake, and icky.  
_

_We do have some more common ground, though. He’s very intrigued in the human mind. So when I told him that I’m autistic... he went wild. He tells me he’s very interested in that sort of stuff, all those things that go on with the mind that get people locked up. I don’t know, though. When I told him that I was told I was defected, he just laughed and said “My god, they’re being silly.” My god, they’re being silly? I don’t know. I don’t know who to believe on this. Some people tell me I’m fine because I have it lucky and I don’t need to be taken care of, I’m nobody’s burden. But at the same time, I really hated the stench of his B.O., I couldn’t give him eye contact, I was struggling to even think of what to say. I don’t even know if he can help me.  
_

_This Fox Mulder guy is a nice guy, though. I like him. Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s just me, or this disability thing, but he does make me a little shy. Guys really don’t tend to like me though, unless I’m a target of some sorts. I don’t think I’m going to personally shoot my shot, but we’ll make great friends. I think we’ve got something going on here. He’s just.. so... cool, in a way. I don’t really know how to put it. He’s a good guy, but just like me, he’s got a few screws loose. Again, that’s not a thing I’d say to his face, probably because he believes that as much as he believes I’m “defective”._

_Tonight, I’m going to finally put my curtain up for once and look at the stars. And I’m going to think about him. And Samantha. He’s such a dreamer, but I think I love him._

_I just don’t think he would feel the same, but maybe it’s my turn to be a dreamer, eh?_

_  
D.K. Scully_

  
~✦~

That evening, Fox wanted to look out the window. He loved everything about the stars; how they twinkled in the sky, how neatly they were arranged, what must’ve made them, who put them there. Kneeling on his bed, he put his arms on the windowsill and looked up to the purple sky, as a crackly, poorly maintained 1950s rock n’ roll record played in the background, its warped notes narrating the pleasant, cold night. 

As his eyes wandered to the moon, he remembered the precious, fair, pale skin of that girl he was talking to today. He remembered her rosy cheeks and her awkward demeanour. Mulder felt bashful reminiscing of the girl, and he knew she simply couldn’t leave his mind. And what he knew was that this was love. 

As the record ended with the abrupt nature of a car crash, an empty quietness fell upon not just the room, but the entire house. It was late, so the rest of the family were sleeping. Out the window, there was not a single moving car or even a person in sight. Only a few lights radiated from filled houses, with streetlights providing a reasonable alternative to the sun. Following the conclusion of the record, there was not a single noise to be heard, other than the infinite-seeming chirp of crickets in the distance.   
  
Remembering dear Dana, and wondering if she was watching this beautiful night, too, Mulder rested his head on the windowsill, and with only the purest thoughts of this precious girl in his head, he closed his eyes. 

Within minutes, he had slumped back into bed and dosed off, the harmony of his thoughts and the peacefulness of the room lulling him into a deep sleep like a mother’s lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya everybody. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all the love and support you guys have showed for this fic series. It’s definitely giving me the motivation to keep going with it, and I honestly can’t wait to see where it goes. 
> 
> I think I’m now at the point where I can tell my autistic ass to stop responding to every comment to be nice, because WOW I got so many comments and you were all too nice. And I’m so glad everybody seems to like autistic!Scully so much! You guys don’t know how much the headcanon means to me haha. It’s why I wanted to do this!
> 
> I also additionally want to say that I do have a lot on my plate right now. I do other things too, and I’m a high school student doing my exams - not to mention I have a ton of ideas - so right now I’m trying to find a good balance between study and play. If there doesn’t seem to be a lot of updates with this series, even if I make or update my other fics, please don’t fret, even if it is for a long time. I’m a very creative person, but also a very busy one! 
> 
> Whew, I’m sure you didn’t read all of that. But thank you all so much! It means a lot, it really does. I hope you stick around for the next part!


End file.
